He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
