My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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