Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
