***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
