So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
