Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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