The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
