Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
