You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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