I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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