She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
