Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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