I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
organizing the empties. That sober.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
