party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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