he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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