Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
