just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
