I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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