I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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