If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
