i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
