I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
