those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
