Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
