Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I believe in your delicious
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
