If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
