I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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