She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
