you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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