and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
