I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
