nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
