he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
