worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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