i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
