there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
