**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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