Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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