first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
