I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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