rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
