R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
