i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's blow job season.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
