i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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