Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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