During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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