you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
