dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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