before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
