Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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