Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
