Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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