why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think your dad took our porno
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
