So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
