yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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