oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
